|Paul| |Kortman|

2004-05-23T06:19:00.000-04:00

This is just a test

2003-11-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

No Deer this weekend, going out Thanksgiving weekend again... Hoping to get meat for my family.

Other news, Becky's Birthday this weekend, Planning some fun activities for that.

Most of my blogging efforts have switched to the Learning Journey Blog Go there for more updates, I think that will be the blog we will be updating most... Until I leave I will still write here from time to time.

Our subscriptions @ Learning Journey have grown a ton and that is the best way to get out the information to our supporters... So please go there and fill out the subscription form so you too can stay up to date on our journey and can be in communication with us as we venture away from Ur. (Please understand I do not put myself on that pedestal, as far as we know were coming back with in two years.)

Scent

2003-11-14T11:41:00.000-05:00

Hunting .... me .... this weekend ..... It's gonna be great! I've never gone before so I'm excited to be in the woods with a gun. My Father-In-Law may be sitting right next to me the whole time, I will find it hard not to talk to him.

I've been reading up on how to hunt etc. and I'm finding out that the big secret, the big deer tricks and the big money maker is scent, either becoming human-scent free or baiting with scent. Why is it that Deers have such a good sense of smell and I can't tell the difference between a live and a silk rose with my nose?

Finshed adding all the Honeymoon pictures to our Moblog. Its kinda fun having multiple blogs and multiple services, I would love to spend just a little bit of money to have a space on the net to store files and photos etc. But alas, everything comes with a price tag these days.

Got my name on "our" banking account, things are melding into we, first the living situation, now the finances, and eventually there will be just we. Never to seperate again. It is good.

Something like 8 weeks now, RSA here we come!

how do you like the new customize feature on the right...? Its not working the way I want it to but eventually it will be! for now enjoy the eye candy folks.

Bullshit?

2003-11-11T10:04:00.000-05:00

Christians here in the Western "free" world have become lazy, yet I wonder if they will take the time to read the following site.

Excerpt from Christianity is BULLSHIT!:

I don't expect Christians to like my website. People don't usually enjoy seeing their cherished beliefs, especially beliefs that they strongly regard as Absolute Truth, mocked and so easily debunked and shown to be false. I am not angry about god, nor am I angry at god. I do not believe that a god exists to feel anger toward.

I found this blog from a blog links site, I realized we were using the same services and I wanted to find a better design for an aspect of one of my sites... But instead I found a challenge. I wondered, and felt convicted how often I have read our ring of PoMo blogs, including non-religious spiritual thoughts on the church and I realize that I'm not reading the opponent's stuff. That I am not immersing myself in the right information, If I keep looking at our evidence I am blinded to what the opponent's team has.

Not that there is a competition. Its more for the reasons that in my sphere of influence which now includes Jeff the Atheist Blogger I have to be prepared, I have to be open minded enough to realize offering this guy a book from CS Lewis or from Lee Stroble is not going to solve his life issues. Instead I believe that God works through relationships and desire, meaning that God has sent people into Jeff's life and will continue to until he dies. These people must establish relationships of respect and honor. Jeff would not listen to me if I was just some random guy... But If I spent years on the Journey with Him he may just maybe he may listen when the timing is right.

But that means I need to be smart enough, well educated enough to know what not to say in the beginning... For example if you were white and trying to make a connection to a black person you wouldn't say "good-day", or "hullo mate", no you would listen learn and figure out that person's greeting and use it with him or her.

My point is, I hope to add this guys web-ring to my semi-weekly reading of blogs. By doing this I hope to better educate and prepare myself so I don't end up a fool and add fuel to the fire of those against God and the believers.

What a call.

Computers and the Devil

2003-11-10T12:25:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if the computers we thrive on are actually tools of the devil. Please note, I am employeed in the computer industry and thankful for that! Becky is at home with the laptop turned off and resting upside down to cool it off. My Mom's computer (my old one) has its side exposed becuase otherwise it too will overheat.

And we need these machines to survive. Once again makes me think of the Matrix, (I'm not spending money to go see the third, I heard it opened and flopped.) We need them to survive, and they need us to survive.

Becky has typed up a wonderful document which we need to turn in today or tomorrow, and now the computer after being flaky today and running really loud will not turn on. So its got our files on it. And we can't get access to them.

I work with computers, I fix them, but it all takes money. Like fixing a car, or fixing a house, knowledge only gets you so far until you need tools and supplies. I've got the knolwedge of what is wrong or what tools I'd use to determine what is wrong, or even to prevent what went wrong. But I do not have the money or the equipment to put my knowledge into place.

Wow, I'm glad I wrote that, I have been struggling this year with feelings of inadquacy because my computer and now my laptop are flaky, and I just now realized that those two machines are not reflections of my abilities. In fact for them to survive under the current conditions is prety good. So I will pray that the laptop cools off and that I can restore a good registry or fix the Hard Drive, or get rid of the Virus. But until I get home to repair it I must pray, and wait.

All this when I begin liquadating our stuff on Ebay and I need the digital pics on the laptop as well as inet access from home.

God is the God of everything, includding computers!!! This I will trust in and God I will rely on.

Does anyone know of a good Blogger Archives Calendar Script,
our pictures are at a picture blog... http://pictures.paulkortman.com
and on the left of that site you'll see they do a graphical representation of the archives... I'd love to do that for our Learning Journey Blog...

I noticed the title ot this post... anyone know the song from "The W's" "You are the Devil and the Devil is Bad!" hmm.
anyways... thats all for now.

Back

2003-11-05T12:46:00.000-05:00

So, were back, and now me is a we, and I is a we. There are new experiences, and new challenges, but a ton of new excitement all at the same time.

Mexico was great, if you get a chance visit the Riviera Maya, tons of fun, great beaches and good food. Montezuma's revenge hit on the last day and we are still recovering from it. This has been a good practice run for when the Learning Journey begins.

I began work again today. A lot to get done but a lot more to complete in the next two months.

Woke up for work this morning feeling great, met with a friend for breakfast and then went out to my car, which other than getting me to breakfast hadn't run for two weeks, and it didn't start. So I took Rebekah's car and now she is stuck @ home without a vehicle, so please pray for us as we try to repair the car this evening so she can have a vehicle to get around in because we have many things to get done in the next two months.

January 10 that is our official leaving date.
Pay attention for more details on pictures of Mexico, My wife takes really great shots and has a good eye for photography, I just hold the camera and push the button when she says to!... anyways they will be posted out on the web soon.

"May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand. "

3 Days

2003-10-21T09:02:00.000-04:00

It's only three more days now till I make the biggest move of my life, the transition from singlehood to marriedhood. I am excited for this celebration and for the life we get to live together afterwards.

I still remember when it was 6 months out and 5 months out and I thought it would be another lifetime befor the 24th of October would get here. And now its so close I can taste it.

Stress is low, today is my last day of work which will be good so I can pitch in and help out with the final details.

Needless to say I will probally not be blogging for a little while. But I'll have pictures to post when we get back from our honeymoon. Until then, this is Paul, signing off.
Wedding Website

Fluffy Meets Fan

2003-10-10T09:01:00.000-04:00

It's not real but funnier than I can imagine...

It's just worth the post...

Wish List

2003-10-09T09:42:00.000-04:00

I'm looking for someone who can comment on one of these two books, They now top my wishlist and I wonder which I should get first if either. The Story We Find Ourselves In: Further Adventures of a New Kind of Christian and The Post-Evangelical

Found some cool new sites to the right... although the Allelon people probally know all of them already.

Koinonia

2003-10-08T14:24:00.000-04:00

Do you agree?

"we have become more connected and yet more disconnected than ever before"

Humor

2003-10-08T09:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, so we all have to have a bit of humor right? Time on Hands with Photoshop.
the best part, scope out the comments, that for real is Rick Warren surfing the blog world... of course I would too if I type my name in Google and find blogs about me... would you? .. look to last post about fame etc.

Fame and Popularity

2003-10-08T09:21:00.000-04:00

I have always wanted to be important. An while reading a really cool page this morning, "Quotes we like" I realized that I want to be on this list, I have a desire in me to pursue God, and to help others do the same. I have a desire in me to be like Neo in "A New kind of Christian" To wait for the teachable moment in someone's life, aka when the Holy Spirit is moving, and be a tool of God to redirect, to suggest, but most importantly to open the door so they can walk through, to unplug them from the matrix they are in and see God in new light.

Ok so do I get to write a book to do that... probably not. But I want to be someone who people quote. Because of this... well perhaps my words my voice, my ability to speak should be taken away. That way I will learn to communicate God's love without words and to open doors for people without words... will they listen? will they hear?

Is it wrong to want to spread this love to the world... is it wrong to unplug someone. To show them the light... or at least to want to?

So I end with a Barna quote. Take from it what you will.

'There is an old saying that the things that got you to where you are today are not the things that will you get you where you need to be tomorrow...In this era of rapid and profound change, we know that the shape of the church must change significantly if it's to remain both alive and influential....We must be prepared to re-engineer the contours of ministry without compromising its content.' Researcher and Author George Barna

New Journey Sparked

2003-10-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

Met with Tim last night, book discussion on A New Kind of Christian. An entry level book for most of us, or for some of us a book which has finally put on paper things we have been thinking and feeling for years...

It is just so amazing to me, my last post was about intellect, sorta, about trying to read more about not having enough time. Then Tim and I meet, I was challenged, Tim seeks out Theology more that I ever have, and I think that If I were to really lay out what I believe he could shoot down every thought I had ever had because of the theology he has studied.

I long to be eloquent in my words, I long to be good at speaking and defending my speech.

But then I realize... I know there are others out there thinking what I'm thinking, I have heard them speak, I read their materials, I talk with them occasionally... And I realize that perhaps I am freeing another mind... But if I had to do it all over again I would have chosen the blue pill -- woken up from my thoughts as a dream and live life plugged in, not knowing the freedom.

Or would I. Is ignorance bliss? Is there pain in now knowing things I wish I had known for quite some time? Yes, is it worth while? I am not sure.

Is that bad...? I took the red pill, I am finding out how far don't he is rabbit hole leads... But I am not ok with my choice... Or am I... Put it this way I don't know what I would do If I knew then what I know now.

Yet I am so excited to free another mind... Tim, to watch him learn, to be free-d to think for the first time... To breath real air. As he put it last night to read scripture and think for myself... What does this truly mean What was Jesus sending, Paul in his context meant what?

So on the way around town last night b4 meeting with Tim, I heard a story on NPR... About a guy starting over, his career as a chef... And I heard at the end they encouraged him to write. To come up with ideas, to write them down and eventually to have a proposal of what I want a community I and my family are a part of to look like. Perhaps on paper it will make more sense.

So I have resolved to write it down.
amidst this busy time, I am going to write what I see as a way to follow together in community.

For most of my friends in this conversation this means I'm behind them. But I look at it this way (also figured out while verbal processing with Tim) I was brought up to speed with the deconstructionism so fast that I had nothing left... Its like the site of the Twin Towers in New York... The foundation has been torn out... Yet nothing has been built there yet... And that where I am... Memories of a building which once stood as a testimony to my faith journey now is gone, reprocessed and an empty gaping hole remains.

But perhaps writing will be the beginning of the memorial, or the rebuilding process... Perhaps I can build a web instead of a foundation driven building. perhaps the red pill wasn't so bad after all. Problems force new thinking.

// Lord may I be faithful //
pk

Intelect

2003-10-06T15:50:00.000-04:00

Finished reading this, and started reading this last night. There is just not enought time in the world to do all the reading I want to right now. Not to mention the small groups/church ministries I want to join as well as finding a mentor.

Lord provide only as you can. May I find a man who seeks your will who can show me here on earth how I am to live better. I am conviced I have wrong ideas and wrong behavior patterns... I need your help to correct those. I desire a rightous life, I desire to be your servant, your tool and a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better son, a better brother, a better worker.

Yet at the same time Lord keep me afloat. May I not slip backwards, but continue to work hard at what you have placed before me.

Help me remember that life is not only about me. infact its not about me.

break me.
//pk

Mud.

2003-10-03T12:31:00.000-04:00

Becky and I have been working over at the Loomis' again. She is there all day today mudding the attic where we have spent evenings for the past six weeks or so.

Everytime we put up a new peice of drywall our words were "mud. "mud'll fix that" and "everything is solved by mud." Needless to say it is one of the most tricky rooms to finsh square. But it has really turned out well.

So its raining today, The guys and I are going paintballing tonight.

More mud!

-----------

Reading through Chronicles now... I keep thinking... maybe someone has made a diagram of the geneologies in the bible... certaily enough Bible Genealogy online and free!

Life is good.

Where the Buffalo Roam

2003-09-30T14:42:00.000-04:00

From finds of ours who were out west this summer... Make me want to go... you too?

Advice

2003-09-30T13:15:00.000-04:00

This is incredible advice, and it puts what I have learned about marriage into an easy to read bullet pointed list.

"How to pursue intimacy with God through loving your spouse"

Twenty Four

2003-09-30T07:57:00.000-04:00

Intimacy is something I have been focusing on the last week or so and I plan to focus on it for a while. I am trying to build intimacy with my soon to be wife Rebekah Edighoffer, (24 days now!) and then I read my devotions from Judges Ch21 this morning and I wonder did I do it all wrong?

" 'When the girls of Shiloh come out to join in the dancing, then rush from the vineyards and each of you seize a wife from the girls of Shiloh and go to the land of Benjamin.' ...
... So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife. "

Should this be the way we teach our boys to find women?
If you read the passage you will understand... You know that whole context deal.

But honestly, I have now completed my devotions through the book of Judges, and though its written in storybook form its a tough one to swallow.

Have we honestly thought about Samson, about his marriage, about his rage. I know God planned for him to kill the Philistines in his death, but did God condone his temper... The foxes and fire incident... Or how about the 30 men for their jackets incident.

What about Michah and his Idols, about how the Israelites took him in and kept him for awhile...

and finally the Benjaminites... who were nearly destroyed by their brothers... And cursed by them (the no wives for them curse)

does any of this make sense... Instead we promote these people to hero status, making Samson one of the hero's of the bible, making the twelve tribes of Israel inseparable brothers, united forever.

Not that I discredit any of these stories.... IT is really incredible to see God using broken people like me... I refer back to the Father of the three Religions of the Book... Abraham... Gen 12, he Follows God's call to a new land, gets there and makes up his own mind to go to Egypt because of a famine, How often is it that we broken people trust God only so far. Or follow Him only so far. Then we must steer the ship.

God I give my whole life to you. I give you control of this ship, this vessel of yours. I want to be a tool of you, a weapon you can use against the enemy whom you have conquered. Give me the strength to get back up when I fail or fall. Help me to trust you more and more each day.
And may I build the church, may I be faithful to building your church in my family.

Cold Rain

2003-09-29T09:34:00.000-04:00

It has been cold and rainy all weekend and it looks like its going to be that way today again.

But despite all the weather sadness I have realized that God has blessed me with an overcoming. You see I used to be depressed when the weather would turn sour. Not any more. And I don't use drugs.

Its really an incredible thing when God gives you victory over something which had victory over you. Please don't think that the battle is done or that its all easy from here. No instead its picking up from the storm, its rebuilding foundations and being vigilant for the next attack. Watching for a Trojan horse attack and being aware of what the devil uses to bring me down.

So if somehow you are reading this, know there is hope, that Drugs and medication do not solve all lives woes, but that if you remain faithful, and if God so chooses to bless you, then you too can conquer depression.

Why is it that we have so many folks around who struggle with depression, and even more who are heavily medicated for depression? What drugs, or non-healthy food have we been consuming for years which has brought this about?

Or is it society... The lack of fathers, the lack of good disicipline etc.?

God teach us how to follow your ways, how to be righteous, and live full abundant lives. We give ourselves to you, we give our depression, our society, our lack of fathers, our craving for discipline to you, and we ask that you bring your kingdom, We long to be in relationship with you. Come Lord Jesus Come, Come Holy Spirit Come, Come. Come.

like the cold rain, fall on us.

Staying

2003-09-26T10:58:00.000-04:00

I'm Staying! The Head of Human Resources told me today she would pay for me, that it is important for her that I remain a contractor for Hydro. So I'm here! Thank you all for praying for me.

The story is kinda kool, Its a total God thing! You see she called me into her office (the head of Human Resources) to ask a question about some internet stuff she was doing, which has nothing to do with my work here. So I answered and she replied 'well I'll do all this setup stuff and then I'll call you back in here to help me finish it.' I told her as long as it's before Tuesday.

Suddenly things switched, the attitude became well I need you to stay. And so we talked, I explained how things would work out and she said she'd pay for me.

So I'm Staying!
Praise God!

Job

2003-09-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

My job @ Hydro is on the line. I may not have a job in 5 days. I'm getting married in 29 days.

reason for me not having a job anymore: people all agree the company needs me, no one wants to pay for me.

GD

2003-09-24T15:43:00.000-04:00

Please do not take the Title wrong here, this is a form of referring to God, I found this site talking about the upcoming Holidays, Judaism 101: Rosh Hashanah Inside they refer to Jehovah's sovereignty as "G-d's sovereignty. " they even have a page explaining the name of God issue. Good reads.

Makes me think we throw around God's name alot like we throw around gd, or better yet for the upstanding citizens, alot like we throw around the word "like".

So anyways what I'm trying to say is we have to respect the name of God more than we do, argue if you will about the title god (aka supreme being) versus Jehovah-God but I still think we say God meaning Jehovah God more than we should.

Would you like it if people kept invoking your name for no apparent reason? and totally ignored you after calling your name.... I know I'd be a little ticked and I have no fury like G-d's Wrath.

The Law

2003-09-24T12:04:00.000-04:00

Paul suggests here that its Mercy that we're still alive, being sanctified because we're not perfect already... Bible Gateway : ROM 12:1-3;

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. "

The Trippy thing is that the "World" may be our Christian church mindset... don't conform to the normative, nominal christian behavior. Instead be changed, be different, be as potent as garlic by renewing your mind.... How?
Jay suggested to me that renewing of your mind, is by reading the law, the scriptures and by spending intimate time with God.

So because God is keeping me alive and holding his Wrath at bay... (Grace) I'm gonna live a life with the poteneticy of garlic, I'm not strong, no but I may be offensive to those who aren't intimate with their creator.

Ever read "You are Special" Max Lucado, the Widgets/Stars/Dots book. Stickers won't stick to me because I'm gonna become intimate with my Creator. Debates over baptism won't be important anymore. The Law will be followed.

and I will struggle at this, I will not give up.
Read this and weep devil!

Belief-O-Matic

2003-09-19T13:40:00.000-04:00

Do you believe this? There is a quiz you can take to find out what religion you should be involved in, here are my top six, what does that say about me eh?

"1. Seventh Day Adventist (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (99%)
3. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (97%)
4. Eastern Orthodox (88%)
5. Roman Catholic (88%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%) "

I found that site off of a cool ad about a debate about Jesus.
.. it was interesting to say the least.

Eternity

2003-09-19T12:50:00.000-04:00

Admittily I am not perfect, but when we as humans use a term such as Eternal, shouldn't we mean it? Check it out :

‘Unknowns’ sentinels shun shelter: "Another famous symbol at the cemetery, the “eternal flame” over President John F. Kennedy’s grave, was left on its own through the storm. The natural gas-powered flame can sputter out in heavy wind or rain, but is designed to immediately reignite itself. "

This article talks about Integrity and commitment as well:

"As the winds from Hurricane Isabel swept over Arlington National Cemetery, the soldiers who guard the Tomb of the Unknowns were given — for the first time in history — permission to abandon their posts and seek shelter. “They told us that. But that’s not what’s going to happen,” said Sgt. Christopher Holmes, standing vigil on overnight duty. “That’s never an option for us. It went in one ear and right out the other.”"

Granted they are Military trained... but shouldn't we as Followers have that kind of devotion, that kind of discipline?

for Eternity?

Cutting Edge

2003-09-18T12:33:00.000-04:00

I admit it, I want to be on the cutting edge, from listening to news radio to watching Google News from work, to glancing over magazines in the grocery Isle. I realized how bad it got today when I scoured the 'net for up-to-the-minute details on the whereabouts of Isabel. I took a break for lunch and in the time it took me to walk to the kitchen I realized I was hooked. I relate it to the OJ Simpson Trial watching virus we all had a few years ago.

How healthy is all this?
Is it righteous to know what's going on in the world? Is it un-righteous to not know what's going on in the world? A relatively common Christian answer would be to take the middle road, that you must know what is going on around you in the world, but watching national news on abc/NBC 7pm once a day is plenty, more than that might be overkill or obsession (sometimes I wonder if I have O/C tendencies!)

I'm reading through Judges right now and I wonder about the people the Israelites in that day, did they pay attention to where their country was headed or did the workers simply say well I hear the local news talk once a day and that's good enough for me.

Are we biblically called to be cutting edge? (not just computers/cell phones here folks!) What about in Missions, in evangelism (one in the same) or in worship, etc?

A friend of Becky and I was sharing with us about his recent trip with Ray VanderLaan to Turkey and with such a good scholar alive in our day I wonder what Ray would say about being cutting edge?

Then I realize lunch break is over, time to program the matrix, worry about cutting edge tomorrow lunch.

Evil Spirit

2003-09-17T06:13:00.000-04:00

Not sure how to take this one. I guess I'm not as much of a scholar as I want to be.

Bible Gateway : JUDG 9;: "God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the citizens of Shechem, who acted treacherously against Abimelech. 24 God did this in order that the crime against Jerub-Baal's seventy sons, the shedding of their blood, might be avenged on their brother "

Back

2003-09-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

Not much to write about today, just a little note to say we're back from Iowa, what an incredible time with the Jusinos. Despite film running out during a photo shoot we have a picture or two we might be able to share with you all.

Big changes at work today, not sure what that means for me. More to follow.

We received our packs for the trip over the weekend. Its becoming more and more real.

Update

2003-09-11T08:31:00.000-04:00

Due to the recent invites I have given to a few friends of mine I decided to post an update on my life, though I posted one pretty recently, here is the new version:

Work is good, I work for Hydro Automotive Structures in Holland MI. I am an outside consultant programming Access Databases for now. It is a good position and I hope to remain here until the trip. The 45 min drive to work and then back home everyday is annoying, but I have heard really good stories on NPR lately.

Becky is great, we're getting married in October, scope out our wedding site for more details of the big event. She is officially done with work @ RBC today and now is focusing on the wedding and the trip planning.

Learning Journey: we are moving forward with this trip we are scheduled to leave sometime in January, unfortunately our travel agent has not been able to nail down exact dates yet, more info to follow.

Community, I am worshipping at Ada Bible Church Great church, good people, its been home for the past 4-5 years. Breakpoint, the church plant I was involved in fell apart due to many different reasons.

Other than that I spend a lot of time surfing and reading, I like article reading as of late and that's why you see a lot of links to articles in my posts here. Here is another from Seven Magazine:

being church: "As frustrating as all of this has been to me in my weekly attempts at body life via small group ministries and corporate worship, I still have hope that a better day will come. Why am I still optimistic despite the moldy loaf that IÃ‚’m regularly handed? ItÃ‚’s because of the emerging church.
Over this past year, I have found my community and spiritual lifeline through the on-line visions of many that donÃ‚’t fit the static paradigms of conventional American religion. IÃ‚’ve found that there is a community that has new ideas, offers hope and a freshness of dreams. It is not tied up in the status quo of lives that have been sold out in a Faustian deal with American capitalism. This new model is confronting the old paradigm and has pronounced it dead and done away with. In doing this, there is no temptation of turning back to the dry bones of the traditional or even, the seeker model or paradigm. A new vision of healing in our communities is offered. Some might call it counter-cultural. I would call it Christianity."

Today is a big day for us, we begin pastoral counseling this afternoon and then go straight up to Becky's parents where she and her mom will grab a quick bite and take off to go to a dress fitting.
Tomorrow morning we will leave early from there pick up Becky's G-parents and drive for 6hours Davenport Iowa to visit Christy and Jay and Bethany. It will be good to be with them again, I miss having them closer to us.

that's the news from lake wobegone.

On 'Church'

2003-09-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

For many years I have had not-commonly accepted opinions about church. I found an article which will summarize a lot of my thinking by addressing questions.

Why I Don't Go to Church Anymore: "In our day we don't need more talk about the church, but people who are simply ready to live in its reality."

So read, please know that this exudes from my core, a struggle with imperfection, having been hurt both ways (burnt on stove and broke ankle) multiple times, yet not giving up I strive to be the missional community focused man that I am called to be.

A Friend of mine, Kyle Sanford fought a huge battle in College about people using the words worship and music or at least the ideas therein interchangeably. Last night I received an Alumni Homecoming invitation that included the phrase "praise and music."

So when we (the church) get it about worship (aka worship is not music) perhaps soon to follow is we will get it about missions, that is the truth that missions does not exist during mission trips or by foreign missionaries only. Instead Missions happens in my family, my community, my people. Where ever I am in community, that is where I am called to be mission minded.

on church.
we the people.

Father forgive our attempts at church, bless our attempts to live out your call and your love here on your earth.

Science

2003-09-10T08:11:00.000-04:00

Quote: "Science is not everything, but science is very beautiful." J. Robert Oppenheimer What is this world coming to when Scientists of old (I know he's dead) who were in charge of 3000 people working for the government say such things.

The scientists' argument against God and Christianity is a small minority with lots of money and a big voice. Most of their highly respected counterparts believe in God or an existence of a higher power.

Funny, I wonder if Oppenheimer ever met grace. He must have to live 20 years after the Manhattan project and 1945/Japan.

Lord open the doors so we can bring generations of people back to you. We are not worthy of your love, your power and your grace, so we come before you bowing, giving you the honor, and asking for mercy. Forgive my people the sins they have committed. forgive me for not doing that which I know to be right. Raise up your people Lord, move in their hearts and minds to not fear death, ridicule, or shame but to spread your word, your life, your grace to all.
May we all learn from our mistakes, as individuals, as a people, and as followers of you.

Missing

2003-09-09T23:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you new to this bloggin world, it'll all make sense soon, kinda like Neo after being flushed out of the system, rest relax, let your eyes adjust to the light etc.

You'll notice that there are some links in the right column to other people's blogs, I met most of them through Allelon.

Shout out to you guys and girls. I've been missing you. And yeah Keck, if you out there, readin this.... ditto, been missing you.

Plaxo

2003-09-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

Sent out 400+ Emails last night with the click of one button.

Some people say I know too many people, others know what it means to be an extrovert :-)

Anyways, I'm trying out this tool, new to me and kinda new to the world, currently works with Outlook and Outlook Express, the Idea is handy get people to update your address book with their info for you. no sending emails to them, typing in their info in your book etc. Anyways, check it out @ Plaxo Contact Networks.

I have done some searches for my name and come up with some pretty random sites, most are blogs using the same links as Allelon. It has been a blessing to be involved in this family. Despite my disapearance from the radar screen for a while.

Ever read the book "Lament for a Son" it ripped my heart out, yet I feel it is an extreme need for many people to read this book. One of the Allelon troops opened up his grief to the world on the web, it too rips at my heart to read the pain and grief, but the healing is good. (Hint, scroll down and read from a month ago forward.)

PS For those of my family and friends who are knew to this site, please click on the word comment below to add your comments etc.

Union

2003-09-08T12:02:00.000-04:00

Some of you may be saying, wow Paul just went to town blogging on that day, I know but I really want to share this with you all.

I am currently involved in a mega-church's attempt at a small group for 18-29 year olds, some call it college and careers, some call it a singles ministry, others call it home. Whatever you wish to call it, if you know about then this Great Article from Kevin Rains should point out some things we need to learn yet.

I have not been attending the group for some time. It makes me sad but being there was making me angry. How does one find true community here on this broken planet?

Ugly things

2003-09-08T10:09:00.000-04:00

Grace

Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Merely a Christian

2003-09-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

Started re-reading Mere Christianity by the man CS Lewis.

kicking me even today just thinking about how much God has put in us, how much the painter is not His painting but you can see the painter in the painting. And the moral law thing, to argue with people from what they know as common practice (debate, or arguing who is right/wrong) and 'proving' the existence of a God, and seeing some of His characteristics from that 'proof.'

yet people I meet and try to "convert" fall into one of three categories, 1. Bum on the street, 2. nominal believer -- no matter what faith or 3. A person who has so rigidly built an argument around them that I feel I cannot carry a good debate with them, aka I'm not at their level.

so I call myself Merely a Christian,

next-wave > church & culture: Can I Get a Witness?: a Must read by a friend of mine, regarding evangelism and struggling with bringing the kingdom here on earth.

but check out what Lewis says about all this, (paraphrase) often people want God to come here on earth, but what we all know about God that would not be a good thing, we know he always does the right thing, and we know we know the right thing yet we still do the wrong thing, God will not be pleased with us.

How can I ever be so cocky to think that God will be pleased with me.

Man I need Grace
I, Man, need Grace.

Perspective

2003-09-05T10:00:00.000-04:00

Ya never know what to believe eh?
Hoaxes, Hype and Humiliation (washingtonpost.com)

Countdown

2003-09-05T09:37:00.000-04:00

Seven weeks,

only seven more weeks and I will not have to leave her side at night,
only seven more weeks and I will be married forever,
only seven more weeks and this akward position of already but not yet will be over.

Blending finances,
living together,
understanding eachother,
loving eachother,

I Long so much to be married, and (here's a new development) to be a dady. I have realized that it is possible, that God has created me to be a dady, I have the heart, the passion, the ability, and the blessing. A friend of mine had a daughter last night, firneds of ours had a son 3 weeks ago, and as Becky was holding Owen she looked at me and said she was ready. My heart jumped into my throat. I was not.

But as the wedding day approaches, as I convert from single life to the two having become one life I long to share with her, in childbirth, in childrearing and in child loving.

Then I read John Wallis's ::..::gathering my way::..:: . and I realize yup. This is it.
So we make plans to be married, to travel (looking like we'll be gone from Janurary 2004 to June 2005, 1.5 years!), and to hopefully have kids after our Learning Journey.
But realistically, if we weren't called to go on this trip, I can see us being pregnant in a year's time. Wow, me a dady. Exciting.

oh yeah and the job is going well, might not have it after this month but I probally will. Car is running (I need to work on it again) and wedding plans are comming together as well as trip plans. There's my life in a paragraph.

--pk

2003-08-16T23:48:00.000-04:00

Two becoming One

Becky is out of town this weekend and I have had a lot of time to hink on what it means as us two become one less than 70 days from now.

I thought about productivity and that before Becky and I became enganged and serious about being committed to eachother I cold accomplish a lot on any given day hangin out with a ton of friends, emailing chatting, bloggin, and making tons of phone calls.
Now, some how all that seems trivial. I realize Solomons wisedom saying its all a chasing after the wind. You see I had a list of tons of things I could have accomplished this weekend, and by the time she is home tomorrow evening I will have accomplished less than half of my list.
Some how I feel good about this, realizing that I needed time for what I did accomplish and feeling good about my accomplishments.

Other things I notice:
Went to Grand Haven with Dave tonight, lots of couples, Went to Meijer last night for grocheries and tonight for supplies for the bike ride tomorrow. lot of couples.
I am glad to be with Becky, I feel we have a healthy foundation to be built on for years. I see things in other couples, tell tale signs of unhealthyness and I wonder.... but then I realize that its not for me to look at them, its for me to praise God for what I have been given in my wife-to-be Becky, a wonderful gift, a cherished woman of God.

Yeah Im ready to give up my one as we become one. Its more than worth it.

2003-08-16T02:14:00.000-04:00

Finally got my home computer working again. I was going to try Linux, and I still want to but it wouldn't agree with my HD... oh well ... so now Im back online at home...

yee haw!

funny how windowsupdate.com is down today...

:-)
pk

2003-08-15T15:22:00.000-04:00

"Non-Value-Added-Work"

Thats what I am assigned to do here at work today. The work I am doing makes no money for the company, and does not make the company more efficient nor does it please the employee.

How often in my life do I do non-value-added-work. I ask this knowing this can quickly turn into a discussion on purpose -- a buzzword in the mainstream church where Im from -- but I think this is more of a discect your life, determine where you are adding value. For example in the business world, I have a friend who's sole job is to re-decorate the office she works at to please employees. the value she adds to the company is more indirect through happy more efficient employees.

yet she --unlike I-- is still adding value to the company. Unlike in my job, I get to make decisions where I add value with what tasks in my personal life. I think I shall add value to my wife (to be) my kids (to be) and to the work of God's kingdom arriving here on earth.

Which makes me ask, is God's kingdom arriving, or being built, what is my value added work in the building/arriving of His kingdom?

Perhpas I should seek out Dallas Willard on this one.
I've often thought about asking him ot be my mentor.
Think he'd accept?

oh yeah and is bloggin value-added to life?

I think so, its therapeudic.

2003-08-12T15:35:00.000-04:00

Wow, got hit with the Blaster virus today, its now 3pm and I am finally able to access my files. (so I took a break and blogged!!)

Actually I am really excited to announce our trips new site, learning.journey.paulkortman.com its cool and nice!!

God's been at it again, tough times produces a good harvest right? Well not always but I was listening to the news about France's heat and they said the best part about all this is fewer better grapes, which will produce better wine this year.

We're living in a vintage year!

2003-08-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

While out trying to fix my blogger problem I ran into this site its from an Iraqi interpreter for ... I think the NY Times... kinda interesting to see his perspective and the links on his site.

so we're still at war eh? heard yet again another solider died today (this morning) what do we do with this post war war?

ahh... and to think there will be conflict until even after Jesus comes again. But then when we who are in the book of life are placed in the new earth... then there will be no more wars, no more terror, nor more post-war-wars.

it is good to think on such things, a church sign I pass everyday (between my place and Beckys!!) says "those who do not think much about heaven will not be spending any time there" I am not sure how to take that, for one church signs need major improvements and for another thing, should all Christians be so focused heaven-ward that they don't look down to see the helpless lying in the street. personally I think we Christians would do better to have one eye around us, and one eye on heaven... talking to Jesus as we talk to others here on earth...

2003-08-11T08:11:00.000-04:00

Yet againg it has been a while since I have published.... I am trying to work with the new google blogger to solve my woes...

check out http://wedding.paulkortman.com to see more about the up comming big event.

stay tuned for a new website regarding our learning journey!

God's been teaching a lot, but my cool thought for the day is....

oh its Monday, tough to have a thought this early in the morning!

--pk

2003-05-19T13:42:00.000-04:00

Its been two months... but I have returned to my trusty blogger world... trying to re-set everything up and catch up with old friends...

So here's the update on my life...
I am engaged to Rebekah Edighoffer, we are in the middle of planning our wedding for October 24.

I was reflecting earlier today about marriage and life together. I realized that I have grown leaps and bounds in the last two months, becoming the man of God who I am called to be. For the last year I was spinning my wheels doing my own thing and now due to some friends and some readings God has spoken to my heart and dragged me out of the muck and mire I put myself in. Praise God for His tenacious mercy.

I am learning how to live within a budget and how to get out of debt. I have squandered everything I had and let cash burn a hole in my pocket. Please pray for my wife and I as I learn to spend correctly. I see the potential for issues there and I am asking God daily for an attitude of humility and for wisdom as I learn to spend correctly.

In light of all this, the vehicle I was driving an 87 Ford Ranger died when I got back from San Diego. I lost my job @ a church working for Breakpoint. I worked and worked at getting a job and then found some temp work in Holland (45 min away)

God provided a ride to Holland and then provided the work in Holland. After working their for a couple of weeks I bought a car to relieve my roommate who was driving me back and forth from Holland everyday. the car was a Diesel Mercury Topaz, something like an 1984... 7ish days after I bought it it blew a head gasket sinking that vehicle.

God again provided with my cousin who had an extra car for while and loaned it to me until I could purchase another one. Just last week I was able to return his car back to him when I bought a '89 Subaru... nothing spectacular... although don't follow me when I'm trying to get on an expressway with an uphill clover leaf entrance. (it tips the oil pan just right and creates a smoke cloud which remains for about a minute... causing the people behind me greifed looks as the inhale oil fumes.)

I wish to have a more efficient vehicle but I know that I have to spend wisely right now and have a vehicle that lasts through December.

we are still planning our learning Journey. and during wedding planning it gets difficult to keep everyone posted on all of the happenings... but here is the list of countries we have been confirmed to go to:
Netherlands
South Africa
Egypt
Kazakhstan
Thailand
Japan

More details to follow... I must return to work

oh yeah and currently I am working that Temp job in Holland but I expect to sign a contract here this week... please pray for good opportunities here.

Thank you all for sticking it through my silence.

more later.

peace out

2003-03-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

So yeah the nine month thing... thanks Keck, nope not having a baby... just leaving the country... you see God has laid upon the heart of me and my girlfriend Becky Edighoffer the idea, the desire, and the willingness to go on a learning journey, not too unlike the journey the guys in the book "Four Souls" went on.

We are scheduled to leave in January and will be gone for 6 to 12 months, yeah possibly gone for the entire calendar year of 2004. This is cool and crazy, at times I wonder if we will make it... I mean what's life and living in the will of God without a question of clarification if this is where God wants you to be.

We will be meeting up with local Christians or missionaries to encourage them, to learn how the gospel is being lived out among their people group and to see how we can bless them be it through labor, spending quality time, teaching, playing with the kids at orphanages etc. I personally do not know what all God will have us do but I know what God has called us to be on this trip and in our life together.

Which by the way this is not an announcement but just letting you all know where we are in the process of getting married. I have not done all it takes to propose to her (aka getting a ring and other things that have to happen) but any day now I will be making those things happen, God and others have put His and their blessing on our relationship and we have decided that we should go on this journey together... let me fix that phrase... God has made the impression on our hearts that we should go on this journey as a married couple.

Yeah so that's us and the learning Journey.

currently I need to make money to pay the bills and to afford the wedding and eventually the apartment and other things that cost money etc.

I have given up on my truck, the fourth piston is bad. (probably cracked) and so the 600$ that I bought the truck with is gone now.. and there is little to no resale value on it ... so I hope the weather will break for many reasons, one is the possibility of work (construction firms don't hire until the ground is thaw) and the other is then I can bike to work wherever it may be... I know this will be good for my health.. and sanity.

But in the mean time could you pray for my health mentally and emotionally I had a number of anxiety attacks today... I have no idea how a father or a mother could make it with out a job... like bills are enormous when there is no money coming in. I hope to learn from God what it is I need to learn (probably humility and better spending habits) quickly so that I can be financially responsible again.

oh yeah and its looking like I am quitting my involvement with Breakpoint... shocking I know... if you have questions call me ... later I will post more about that decision and why Emergent and Dallas Willard pushed me over the edge on that one.

2003-03-04T00:05:00.000-05:00

ok so the self esteem book is really good... anyone struggling with depression or self-esteem issues (can surface in many ways, depression and addiction are only a few) I would recommend this book to... here's the link. Self Esteem by: Matthew Mc Kay

anyways, two jobs leads died today... now gonna file for unemployment and grab a GR press and search the help wanted section... Its gonna be rough though cause who wants an employee for 9 months?

thanks for your prayers... meeting with Breakpoint folks to break the strange news to them about my position and calling... more on that later... after I inform all of them so they don't find it out in blogville.

2003-03-03T11:24:00.000-05:00

real quick, not sure what's going on here.

reading a book on self-esteem... great book... finally puts to words a struggle of mine with which I have had to deal with for all of my life... and now .. just now at 22 years old I am beginning to see it and re-frame things in my mind so as not to give voice to the critic in my head the pathological critic.

connecting with some friends today, hope to call John and Brian.

looking for a job, its rough. I must find one soon to be able to afford things like food rent and school bills (oh yeah and my cell phone)
so far no leads

my truck died last night... not too sure if I can resuscitate it yet... but with it being as cold as it is here right now I am not looking forward to trying to fix it... especially out on the road where it lies right now...

Becky and I are doing great, thanks for the advice John on investing my all into her... I totally agree with that and I am committed to doing just that.

Breakpoint met in an apartment last night... some how I fell like things are drifting away there..

oh yeah and got into a fight with the senior pastor of Calvary (planting church of breakpoint) some people are just hard to get along with... but that sets the rest of my day down... its frustrating to leave on not so good terms...

2003-02-27T03:53:00.000-05:00

ok I'm safe in San Diego, I have been un able to Blog as I return home every evening exhausted, which is unlike me so I have been going straight to bed... but tonight it is way important for me to blog, to let you all know what's been going on.

So God really used the Marriage conference as a tool for His voice last week. I am still dying to old ways of living but I tell you what there is no question as to if the path laid out in front of me is wrong. I know in my heart, I feel it in my head... and God has laid His hand of blessing on a couple of things I (we) have been praying about. I have to learn to be a spiritual leader, a Man who doesn't nessicarly know all the answers but a man who finds the answers, a man who prays for and with and over his (soon to be) wife. I am almost in tears reflecting on the things I have to die to.... and the things that are already gone... God has just been such a huge part of this whole process that things have now made sense and though the road is not easy the trekking is done with a lighter step.

So now ... picture this... a man becoming a spiritual leader of his household... the same man loosing income sources.... the same man who now has to make it official with a ring.... the same man who has made himself operate in such a way that church employment might bring a white jacket with long arms with it...... the same man who has very little resume experience to find a job in the market place... and now the same man who cannot 'provide' for his family.

now you see a glimpse why I must find gainful employment. (it was obvious before but I'm not writing this for you, I am bloging, I am writing what I am going through, open journaling if you will) It is about a ring, but its about so much more, it is about the money but its about so much more, it is about the mental status but its about so much more as well.

yet as Dallas Willard described on page 38 of the study guide to the book"Divine Conspiracy" there are four aspects to life, four circles if you will.... the smallest is Job, being that which brings income. the larger circle encompassing Job is ministry, that which I am currently involved in, this is in the traditional sense of ministry (aka Breakpoint) the third circle encompassing the first two is Work which is like the stuff your life produces... aka, kids, folks you have brought into a relation ship with Christ etc. the main circle bigger than everything else is life. That being who you are, your whole life...

now without being too separationist please take these four circles and see how they work for you... your job is not your ministry... some time people get paid todo their ministry for a season, but should this be? Julie VanderVeen asked why its not the other way around with your life as the core or the center of your focus, and I want you to picture these circles as a target, or a bullseye...

this is not about target practice, this is about seeing your job as the smallest most insignificant part of you... it is still a part of who you are, but it is tiny. Your ministry is always bigger than your job even if you get paid to do ministry, just ask Joel Potter ... he'll say this is true... and then realize that the work the Kingdom building you have been called to do includes the ministry and the job you are involved in but is not limited that... and you are bigger than it all... you are all encompassing....

so lets all together stop telling people what we do when they ask who are you?

just some thoughts from CA... going to the Zoo tomorrow... a bit of a shift in priorities... Becky is more of a priority than this conference... and well frankly the more I invest into Becky the more life becomes better...

hey maybe I can get paid to do that....

he he

love you guys,

2003-02-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

Hey all real quick as Becky is here and I want to spend time with her...

those of you married, go to a Family Life Marriage conference, Becky and I went this weekend and though it was tough for me (God had a lot to teach and break in me) it was incredible for us, and we both admit that our relationship would have been different had we not gone to this weekend... Praise God for a teachable spirit in me.

Also we leave in a few hours to head to Emergent, and what a blessing it is going to be,

I hope to post more from there about what God is doing....

after a difficult week last week I am happy to report that things are going well... I am still seeking out a Spiritual Mentor and I covet your prayers in this matter.

peace

2003-02-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

ok so here is a sob story... after a difficult week of trying to get on top of life despite being sick and behind in work and community... then yesterday I woke up determined to get some stuff done, determined to go get a job and to find a place for us to meet for the community of Breakpoint... then I noticed my truck's tire was flat... and after two almost three hours of working on the rusted underside of my truck bed in good clothes (I was gonna go get a job) I finally broke off the screw holding the tire in place... got it on and then Discount auto informed me that the wheels were the wrong size... so I had to buy four new ones... man it rides nice.. but that takes a whole day...

and now its Friday... I still don't have a place for us to meet in 9 days and the only thing keeping me from having that place is meeting with folks... which is hard to do when I have a all weekend conference in town tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. then Monday Becky and I fly out to California to have a grand time @ the Emergent convention... yeah not so excited about being gone this week... excited about the trip the opportunities and the like... but wishing it would be a different calendar week.

oh well ... so yeah a little frazzled... I'm gonna go get ready for another interesting day...

thanks for your care.

2003-02-12T16:53:00.000-05:00

who wants a job anyways?
who needs a job anyways?
I need money for transportation, food, rent, phone, (utilities), school loan, and misc.
sum total $650/month.
oh yeah and maybe I want to invest some money in my girlfriend... dates might be good.

just my thoughts on my life.

2003-02-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

ok so it happened.
Breakpoint and Calvary will officially not be connected after February. In some sense I am sad to see the relationship dissolve and its more than the money that Calvary gives me to live in Breakpoint...

you see a friend of mine John Walis challenges me on the Traditional church and that we need to stay connected with it. That some how Gods grace still works for those under the law of Judaism and that we as Christians should remain connected to the Jews... take this analogy for what its worth but the Trad. church is where God's people are... shouldn't we who see the errors and the problems do something about that within the Trad church.? like if you took all the good people out of the elevator I would not want to be in the elevator... if you take all the leaders the visionaries out of the trad church no one would want to be there...

so anyways despite my thoughts and feelings about that in three weeks Breakpoint will not be officially tied to Calvary and will look on their time @ Calvary as good, and warm .. like an incubator. But its time for us to out grow the incubator and though not in numbers we will have outgrown the incubators ideas if we have not already.

so here I sit, no "job" after February. I know I am not supposed to be worried, and I am not... but as I look at a possible wife, a possible family. As I look at my debts from college and living. as I look at possibly going on a learning adventure for 2004. Should I be concerned, should I do something about money. Should I become bi-vocational? Where do I go from here?

how can I work in a job that I might hate while the whole time I want to be in community with the folks from Breakpoint.

let me tall ya what. This has been a refinery for the crew from Breakpoint, they have linked arms and joined forces, we have our identity and we know we are doing what God has called us to do, the website has exploded which should show you an idea of what is going on in these people's hearts...

and through this all the statement I was saying in Idaho last month, has become a loud shout, a scream in my mind. I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, and going where I am supposed to be going.

now who would not love to be able to say that... I never want to work a job where I cannot say that again.

2003-02-10T02:00:00.000-05:00

I know I have not posted here in a while, but I must now, you see tomorrow is a big day for me and for breakpoint, and I know my feelings about all this will be different tomorrow so I want to chronicle this before tomorrow arrives (I really am writing this Sunday late night but oh well!)

You see I have a few options in front of me and I have no Idea currently where I will end up, I know I am where I am supposed to be for today but that doesn't that is where I am supposed to be tomorrow... I have been called a ministry pitbul that through the difficult times at breakpoint when maybe God was saying Paul no, get out that I hung on and didn't go. So then God used a 2x4 and I didn't feel it (still clamped on) and then a holy spirit kick in the nuts (thanks guys from Youth Group) and maybe now I am beginning to understand that my paid position should not be for Breakpoint, and maybe there shouldn't be a paid person ... maybe having a paid person just further promotes selfish feeding in a church, and I must look to my role model my namesake from the bible Paul. He was a tentmaker... I hear now in the ministry trade it is called being bi-vocational. Maybe I need to get a job to feed my habit... that is get a job so that I can stay alive to minister to people at Breakpoint.

And what does that mean, as I strive for a leadership role where people are not attracted to me as the leader, as the pied pyper. Yet I want that, my pride desires to be the man... the savior of my church. So I fight that daily... and I realize that maybe God has uniquely gifted me for this position.

so now I want the position with all my heart... but then am I hanging on to something like a pitbull would hang on to a piece of flesh?

And what job would I get outside of ministry? I have been trained all of my formative years to do ministry and my resume screams Christian and ministry dude. So should I be a youth pastor and do my part in helping the church see what its doing when it separates youth? but then again I have a problem with getting paid to take care of someone else's youth, the money does not ensure their joy in seeing their youth come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

So tomorrow morning I find out what the Search Committee with bring before the Admin Elders and then at 8:30 some folks from Breakpoint will be able to speak to the elders and let them know what they think.... I know Joel and Monica are gonna be there, Josh might and Justin might.. most likely I will be jamming with Jeff, Frankie and Brittney... and the fate of Breakpoint will be decided for us.. at least a decision will be made that we will have to deal with and figure out what to do with it.

all I want to do is be freed up to serve.. I just have loved these last few months of working for Breakpoint and loving on them, it has been difficult to show someone what I do, but yet when I talk to folks in established church ministry they are jealous of what I do, the fact that my job is all about relational... that from the get go there was no office sitting... etc. So what I sometimes see as a curse others are jealous of me.

hopefully in 24 hours I will have good news for you.

2003-01-28T09:05:00.000-05:00

I'm back, what an incredible time I had Idaho, plenty to process and plenty to learn from. I met a few folks with whom I will remain in contact to encourage and journey together.

I come away from the gathering with this: I know I am where I am supposed to be. I know that there are others journeying and struggling along the same lines. I know that my work is helping those who are a part of Breakpoint. This makes me ecstatic. So now I enter the re-interview process with calmness and no fear. Jehovah Jireh.

For those of you who don't know, I am currently set to finish a part time temporary position for Breakpoint at the end of February. Calvary CRC the mother church has decided to re-interview me next week for the position, I do not know any more what they are thinking for this position.

So will I have a job after February? yes, my job will be to continue out what God has laid upon my heart as a calling. We will continue to do unstructured missional community while seeking Gods will out for our lives together... but maybe I should post that on their website. www.breakpointweb.com

It was great meeting Jon Wallis Yeah John, we will be friends for life, I just hope you continue to challenge me as we live life. Becky and I are gonna plan a time soon to visit Cincinnati so we can see John and his kids, and maybe connect with Kevin and Chris.

For now I should go, got to run some errands and make it to the office today. Cooking dinner for the girls house and my Mom, any suggestions? Let me know!

2003-01-25T15:06:00.000-05:00

And now as our meeting of Allelon closes tonight I want to report that many good thigns were said here, many good people met. Connections for the future have been made and God is working in the people represented here.

Thank you for your support.

2003-01-23T23:10:00.000-05:00

I'm in Idaho, made it safely, and I have a ton of info... Not too much computer time, looking forward to meeting Jason Evans tonight. Look for more updates soon. Oh yeah and Im sweating outside cause its over 40 degrees, take that you back in MI where its lke 2 degrees!

2003-01-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

Ok
getting ready to leave tomorrow for Idaho, and I realize how much we have setup systems and structures to run even when we are not present. I do enjoy this and know that this takes away from me being all self focused, but still, is this not dangerous, as we look at the AI described in the Matrix that over ran mankind because it became smarter, can man become stupid in comparison to the systems he has setup?

All in all alot can be accomplished in a day, you can have breakfast with this perons, meet with the doctor make four phoen calls on your way to the airport, fly to a different side of the country, have lunch with a friend, and work the afternoon in the office, and go to a show in the evening catch a plane before midnight and be back into your bed.

but is this worth it?

Is there not some semblance of peace that we need to maintain in our lives?

Harmony, Harmony, Lord give us Harmony in our lives.

I'll hopefully update this from Idaho otherwise I will be back on Monday to comment on the whole trip!

btw look forward to www.paulkortman.com becomeing active again!

2003-01-21T01:31:00.000-05:00

Life is moving at a steady pace right now, just to bring you all up to speed on where I am in life, I have a girlfriend named Rebekah Edighoffer (Becky) I am working for Calvary CRC in Wyoming Michigan part time planting a new church called Breakpoint. We have been meeting for over two years now and have gone through a lot of things together, but God has been blessing and we are seeking His will for our lives together as a community.

Other than that I am living with Mom, making some wise decisions financially. I drive an '87 Red Ford Ranger, its a great truck that doesn't handle too well in the snow, I learned my lesson with insurance today. Anytime there is any claim made with your name on it they will most likly find out and your rates will increase. So don;t let you insurance know about anything!

So yeah I leave in two days for Idaho and I am excited to meet some people shooting the same direction as Breakpoint seems to be going. I am continuing on a discussion I have with Brian Wolthuis who is also apart of the conversation. Today I received an email response from him encouraging me about what God is doing in us as leaders, developing a decentralized community based leadership. I think I will spill this further on spilled.blogspot.com

2003-01-19T01:22:00.000-05:00

So it's late Saturday night, well its Sunday Morning, I am about to go to bed but I just wanted to share how excited I am to get this Blog thing all setup and I think there are some real potentials for it!

I am about to so Snowboarding tomorrow after Ada Bible, and I am looking forward to that!

Becky is spending the night up and Christy and Jay's place, they are safly back from Iowa, but she is tired so tomorrow after she teaches the kids during evening service She's gonna go home and crash, and rightly so. It'll be good to be connected with her again. Its strange how only a few days apart can seem like so much changes during that time.

And for me, well Monday proves to be a busty day with lunch and coffee time booked, as well as dinner and the Jam session afterwards! Tuesday is 20 somethings Wednesday is staff meeting, spending time with my girlfriend and then Taking off early for Idaho Thursday morning.

I am looking forward to meeting the people I will meet through Allelon. As well as the lessons I will learn and will take abck to Breakpoint and to my life.

Then next month I leave for San Diego to go to the Emergent Convention. Lots of networking, lots of learning, lots to learn from God.

I am still wondering how God is pointing for the trip for next year. Praying daily.

2003-01-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

Well My personal blog is up! We'll see what happens here.